Tomatoes, lobster, crayons...

What do these have in common?
the color red.
I got to hang out with some good friends of mine by the pool yesterday and did not think that I would be out there for 3 hrs. So here I am a day later with aloe smeared all over me and drinking my weight in water to keep myself hydrated. Good times!



My nephew, Jacob, has kept us busy in the last several weeks. He was home for 13 days before he was back in the hospital with pneumonia. After a couple weeks in a in the hospital, he came home from Scottish Rite on Wednesday. He is doing well and finally wants to be held. :) I'm definitely not complaining about that. My sister-in-law, Audri, was playing with nephew #1, JD, on the floor and I laid Jacob for some "tummy time" on my knee so he could watch the fun! He loved it and loves being able to see his older brother run around like the crazy 2 and half year old that he is. It's been such a privilege and a blessing to see the Lord work in this little guy's life. To see that He is more than just a little kid that we love that has a whole lot going on with him in terms of developmental challenges, but to know that God knows every thing that is going on with him from the number of times his tubes come out to the number of hairs on his cute little head. He also loves Jacob more than I ever could and has a plan for Jacob's life that is different than the one I would have picked for him and right now that includes visiting lots of people in scrubs!

The Lord is teaching me great things about Himself as I am going through the process of developing ministry partners to go to Sarajevo. I'm getting to spend time with people that I do not get to every day, hang out and help out with my adorable nephews, see my family, and get a greater and bigger picture of who God is and how He is working every day!

I'm exhausted

It's a phrase I use all the time now! My nephew, Jacob, has been home for a little over a week so now the challenges are just as great, just different! He is adjusting to his new environment, the living room of my brother and sister-in-laws apartment, and keeping everyone busy. JD loves to go see "Baby Jacob" and when he hears Jacob crying he has adopted the universal baby voice that everyone uses when talking to babies and says, "It's ok baby Jacob, don't cry!" It is the sweetest thing I have heard and seen in my whole life! He wants to hold Jacob all the time, but Jacob's preference is that he doesn't like to be held very often so it's mostly when Jacob is asleep that anyone holds him, much less JD. I'm still involved in helping out with JD and meals and laundry a couple days a week while Daniel (my brother) goes up to Rome to work three days a week. This has made for several nights of interrupted sleep- hence the exhaustion.

It's also been a theme in my life that God chooses the late hours to speak to me and show things about myself and Him. This has happened several times lately, including last night. It seems that going to sleep "on time" is less of a priority when God uses they laying awake hours to wash your soul with His presence. I'm constantly amazed at how patient He is with me. So often I choose to listen to others' opinions and trust in those rather than seeing His prioroties and plan for me. Yet He redirects me and in the prosses of convicting me show His gracious love and welcoming me back to His side. I'm reminded of something the apostle Paul wrote to the church in Philippi, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I'm so thankful that he doesn't give up on me!!!

It's official

My heart is overflowing with all sorts emotions.
I've begun training and ministry partner development for moving to Bosnia in September. I am so blessed to be used by the Father in this far-away and different land where He is calling university students to Himself. What began as a burden for people walking in darkness has become more focused as I spend a year building relationships with college students in Sarajevo telling them about the One who changed my life.

I would love for you to be on my team of ministry partners! A group of people that I am working to put together to contribute financially to the ministry that is going on in Bosnia and that will support my ministry while I am there. check out https://give.ccci.org/give/View/0617927 .

For the past week I've been meeting with some people who have expressed interest in supporting financially what I'm doing and working on letters to send. While doing this I've thought a lot about how blessed I am to know the truth and to have the opportunity to know God personally and to experience His love and share it with other so they can experience it as well. My friend shared something with me that gave me this perspective. She showed me a picture of a grave yard in Sarajevo and remarked,"Look at all those muslims."

How can I stand by and live my life by racking up all the stuff that the world tells me I'm supposed to have, saving my money and then spending it on things that I can not take with me from this life? I must choose everyday to invest in the things do not pass away with a changing economy or styles, instead I was created for relationships and encouragement, and to go and make disciples of ALL nations that every tongue of every nation and every people will sing praises to God.

Can you imagine standing in a room full of people that you have never met that are all singing the same song, at least it has the same tune, but you can't understand what the people all around you are saying because it's all different. You see their faces as tears stream down and their arms raised as a sign of submission and pleading, and you know they mean those words just as you do, even if it sounds a little different.

This is the one true God, the one who comes down in a cloud and a pillar of fire. He comes like a thief in the night and a Glorious King of Kings, to seek and save all those who are lost. The one who made blind men see and healed Bible-time cancer (leprosy), who chose to provide a way through Jesus to bridge the gulf that separated us from Himself and tore the veil that divided us from Him in two during an earthquake as His son died on a painful cross. Who then raised His son up to life after three days, beating death and providing for relationship with Himself. Glory to the Lamb that was slain!

i go walking before midnight

So I'm taking a walk to think and talk to God. We're talking about what I'm struggling with and it hits me. This guy that I'm talking to (God) was the one who wrote it all. History, I mean. Umm, er- well, He wrote it when it was the future. So...yeah. He wrote it. Future history. Anyway what I'm saying is that everything that takes place, the good and the bad. He wrote it way before it ever came to pass. So before I lost my job, before Jacob was born, before I had to move, God lead me to go Bosnia- all of it. This is what happened.

Way back before there was time, God the master designer and planner made a plan. He decided that there was going to be no other than Him and no one was going to be able to receive as much praise and high fives as Him, so He had this plan to make sure that everyone- even the angels knew how Awesome He is. The earth was created and sin entered the world. People were made for relationship, though. And with someone in particular- God. Having this planned all along, God is very patient and watches as men and women devise all sorts of things that could make them happy, because like you and me, we all know something is missing. So we look until we think we find something, and then when it doesn't keep us happy anymore we move on to something else. But the whole time men and women are following this vicious cycle. Even His chosen people, the Jews, who constantly had someone that God would speak through to them to tell them His plan, missed what life is truly all about. So finally, according to "the plan" God decides to send His Son whom He loves to earth, the way we all came, as a baby.

This specific baby was not born at a hospital, or rushed to the NICU because he was too little. He did not have tubes shoved down his nose and throat. Nor did he weigh in at a little over 2.5lbs, like my nephew. No- He was a perfect baby. He must have grown up asking God why His father, Joseph just wasn't as great of a Dad as God was. But like us He was born with a specific purpose. Hew was here to do one job. The one thing that every human feared more than anything else. Not to die. He was sent to grow up and then be rejected by His friends, His brothers and even those He did not know. And then in the middle of this horrific humiliation- His perfect Father turned His back on Him because that was what his job required. For this man, Jesus, was covered with everything that was wrong and unjust. Every hateful word and deed. Every thought that was not loving. Everything that was horrible in the sight of a righteous and perfect God, from the beginning to the end,was placed onto Jesus as he took the penalty that I had earned, for because of my filth and hate and imperfection I had earned death. But instead while I was still in my filth and selfishness, Jesus took it on himself for me. He did the job and did it well! He died a criminal's death, was buried, but the tomb could not hold onto the Son of God. He rose from the dead and 40 days later went back to be with His Father.

All this was part of the plan. The plan for me to have a relationship. Yes, communication, conversation, time, and compromise- a real relationship with the creator of the universe. And these things that I often let my focus rest on: a job, a place to live, sickness, and struggles, are on purpose. They are not in hate, but in love that I might see what I can not handle and run back to my relationship with the One that can- the Savior. So I may not be able to change it, and it may not be the way that I would have planned, but it is the way that I choose. For without Him I would still be lost, confused, running after the things that I think will make me happy. Forsaking the One thing that will.
but if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God's Son, purges all our sin 1 John 1:7

a Bummer and a Blessing

I thought I was finally getting acquainted with good days and bad days and a little of both. Today, however, when we found out that Jacob was not going to be able to come home on Saturday and that they put him on oxygen I was really frustrated and down. I thought he was doing better, he had failed his car seat test because he has trouble breathing in that particular position, but I didn't know that he would require full-time oxygen to help him breathe. I think the fact that he had not needed respiratory assistance from the beginning except for about 24 hours was something I had held onto like an anchor in the middle of all this new vocabulary and changing statuses. Whatever it was it hit me hard. The other thing is that I was driving down to GA state to do some hanging out with students and training in evangelism and I really could not focus on it, I needed to focus on what the Lord was leading me through for the next couple hours.

Which leads me to the blessing- just the unbelievable peace and assurance of my faith as I was able to have conversations with several different people who have completely different stories and backgrounds than I do. It was fun! Yes I actually enjoyed striking up conversations with people using some photographs and talking to them about their life and sharing a little of mine. The unbelievable blessing of giving away what has been giving to me and the timely distraction to do something that I would have to rely on God for instead of wallowing in my frustration and questions. One more day, one more way to trust the Lord.

...and hope does not disappoint

With the craziness of life as it is I realized that I forgot to let everyone know what was on the "down low" for awhile: I applied for an International internship with Campus Crusade for Christ before I was laid off and it looks like it's going to happen- the slightly tricky part is that it doesn't start until August. So I'm still looking for a job, logging it for the Ga DOL, helping Audri out and hanging with JD, etc. I am officially moved into my new home- the downstairs basement apartment of my friend April's house (Thanks, friend!) and I love it! Oh and I'm moving to, of all places- Bosnia! Wait I don't speak Bosnian, Lord what are you thinking???

I'm able to be more involved on campus with the chicas at GSU and I am really enjoying getting to know and grow with them. We are part of an on-campus Bible study in the dorms that is now student-led. The girls are finding out how much fun I was having when I was helping to moderate these Biblical discussions. Also several girls are spending consistent time weekly going a little deeper in their faith and learning about evangelism and meeting new people to share their faith with. I'm in there with them and learning right along side them- hopefully I'm going to learn to lead as well! My friend Rachel who is on staff with CRU is challenging me in new ways to become more like Christ and I am enjoying watching God work through me and change me, well, most of the time anyway.

Oh yeah- and Jacob is supposed to leave the hospital and go home this weekend!!! Pray that this happens and that he doesn't keep spitting up and blocking his breathing.
"You are good and the source of good, guide me in Your goodness." Ps.119:68Msg

Anything else...Bring it on!! Ok just kidding.

I am always amazed at God's timing and the ways He chooses to use me. Not long after I was laid off from my job, my brother and sister-in-law had their second beautiful boy, but this one was born at 34 weeks 6 days gestation. In essence Jacob Andrew Cook was early. We were kind of expecting this, but were hoping that with "Baby Jacob's" birth would come answers as to why he was developing slowly In Utero and what the course of treatment would be.
Here we are three weeks later and aren't very much closer to knowing what's going on, but we hope in Jesus who does not disappoint and are so thankful that he is breathing on his own and learning to take a bottle in place of continuous tube feedings. He is also awake for a little more time everyday and is the cutest baby, and the smallest you have ever seen, weighing in at 3lbs, 7.4oz.
Check out their blog: http://www.jcookclan.blogspot.com

God provided me the time to be able to help out during this crazy time with Audri staying at my house and JD, my older nephew comes over for frequent visits to "Hala's house."

While this 3-ring circus is going on I'm looking for a job and because of my lack of income, moving out of my first "own place." God has graciously provided yet again for my needs with a basement apartment for me to live in that belongs to some friends from my church! "I feel upheaval in my life in every area," my sister-in-law, Audri, and I were talking about this last night, "But I feel like God is continually providing for all my needs." He is providing me a place to stay, food to eat, emotional support, people to help me move, accountability during this stressful time, a place to serve and people to love and be loved in return. He is so faithful!

I was able to go to Preview Weekend with Campus Crusade for Christ, the company I'm working with on campus at Georgia State University and it was an awesome time of encouragement and a break for everything that is going on. It was a great time of fellowship, answered questions, and affirmation that everything that is going on in my life is for a reason and is not an accident.